“ANNOUNCING ‘IKE INKBLOT BREWSTER’S KEYS TO SUCCESS'”
Now, now, let’s keep the rabble down; I know that you’ve all been anticipating this for a long time now. Oh yes, this headline rings true: I have released my first chapter of Ike ‘Inkblot’ Brewster’s Keys to Success.
As you men and women in the civilized parts of the world eagerly await the moment when the gates of WANTED swing open and the way West beckons you ever-forward, I took it upon myself to prepare you for what lies at the end of that journey.
And what does occur out here in the West? Sandstorms that suck the air from your lungs, snakebites in places you do not want them, and all-around death in exceedingly high numbers. The list could go on, but there just isn’t enough ink. Just remember to kiss your loved ones each and every day that you’re out here on the frontier–simply because you don’t know if you’ll ever see them again. I mean what I say, you hear?
Oh, there are a many great other lessons to be learned, and I’m here to teach you each and every one of them in Ike ‘Inkblot’ Brewster’s Keys to Success.
The first chapter is available now, and you will not believe this, but I have gotten my hands on some technology that allows me to record my sweet baritone voice. I do not lie–it is a real technological marvel. This means that Keys to Success’ first chapter is available in audio form!
I’ll be releasing a chapter every month, so enjoy them on your own time, but always listen close. These lessons are ripped from experiences in my very own life and there’s a lot to be gained from them, especially when you need to know how to stay alive in our upcoming, show-stopping battle royale, WANTED: Dead Men Walking.
Well, that’s all for now. Head over to the “Monthly Mystery” tab to listen to Chapter One now.
Is he gone?
Alright, this is Henry, WANTED’s staff writer, and you’re gonna want to hear what I have to say, so listen closely. I’ve been hearing ‘ol Ike ramble in his sleep, and he keeps mentioning hidden clues found in each chapter of his audiobook.
These clues lead to keywords that, if discovered, will reward a $10 Steam gift card to the first three people. But you have to find the keywords if you want to win!
Since Ike doesn’t know how to work a website, or a computer (he can’t work anything, really), I made it so the keyword can be entered into a field on the “Monthly Mystery” tab. Enter the keywords correctly (either with or without spaces) and Ike’s treasures are yours to keep. This first chapter has two clues within, so find the keywords they’re hinting to, enter them into the proper field on the page, and start collecting those prizes!
Just don’t tell him you heard it from me. I don’t want to wake up and see him standing over me again. Last time that happened, things didn’t go well.
Ike “Inkblot” Brewster
Editor-In-Chief, The Pony Express